Ashley is starting a new blog series here to help you out with those fine tuning things in your manuscript. Be sure to look for her tips each month. First up...dialogue.
You Can Fix It
Now: Five Dialogue Mistakes
by Ashley March
Since
becoming a published author, one of the things I’ve tried to do as a way of
“giving back” to the writing community is to offer critiques to other writers.
Sometimes these come through auctions, sometimes through networking when I offer
a critique to someone who’s made an impression on me. I’ve learned a lot in the
past few years I’ve been writing and critiquing, and I’d like to start sharing
with you the most common mistakes I find in the manuscripts of aspiring/beginning
writers. These are mistakes that you can fix now, instead of waiting for
someone else to point them out to you (although I highly recommend that every
writer has a critique partner, if not two, plus a few beta readers). I’m
beginning the series with dialogue issues.
- Redundant
Dialogue Tags
I’ve seen some
writers who include a dialogue tag at the beginning and end of a sentence.
For example:
“Don’t do that,” Sheila
said, “or your eyes will become crossed and no girl will want to date
you again for as long as you live,” she said.
Only one tag is
needed. In fact, if Sheila were to go on for an entire paragraph, expounding on
the reasons why the person shouldn’t cross their eyes, she wouldn’t need any
further dialogue tags, because we’ve already established who the speaker is.
- Using a
Dialogue Tag Every Time
It’s not
necessary to add a dialogue tag with every comment that one of your characters
makes. In fact, less is better. You should use dialogue tags for these reasons:
to establish who is speaking, or to remind the reader who is speaking; and to
help with the rhythm/pacing of the words.
What not to do:
“I think
someone’s at the door,” Sheila said.
“Who is it?” Peter asked.
“How should I
know?” Sheila asked.
“I’ve been in my room.”
“Look,” Peter
said, “you’re the one who told me—”
“Just go see who
it is!” Sheila exclaimed.
And so on.
Better alternative:
“I think
someone’s at the door,” Sheila said, motioning to Peter.
“Who is it?”
“How should I
know? I’ve been in my room.”
“Look,” he said,
“you’re the one who told me—”
“Just go see who
it is!”
Notice that we
removed one tag completely by including it in the narrative description of
another tag. After two or three lines of pure dialogue I usually try to give
the reader a reminder of who the speaker is, as I did here. If we had two
characters of the same gender, I would have specified a name. But because they
were different genders, I used “he” instead of a name, because the constant
repetition of names—whether in dialogue or narrative—can become tiring for the
reader. If you’ll notice, the second example of dialogue now has a much better
pacing with the changes we’ve made.
- Using a
Dialogue Tag Instead of a Descriptive Tag.
I am a huge fan
of the descriptive tag. They help keep the reader in the room with your
characters, so your characters don’t end up as talking heads. They reveal tics
about your characters (for example, revealing that your heroine bounces her leg
when she lies). They help to avoid repetition of dialogue tags over a long stretch
of dialogue. There are several great uses for descriptive tags. However, keep
in mind that these tags can easily be overused as well.
Examples of
descriptive tags:
“I don’t know.” Peter’s hand hovered over the
stair banister as he peered into the dark entryway below. “I have a bad
feeling about this.”
“Don’t be a
wuss.” Sheila blew on her
fingernails. “It’s probably just the UPS guy.”
- Improper
Dialogue Tags
I know you might
have seen these in published books before, but unless your dialogue tag describes
the way someone speaks—their volume, pace, and so forth—then it’s not a
dialogue tag.
The most common
offenders I see:
“Sometimes I
really do hate you,” Peter sighed.
(If you doubt me
on this, try saying this sentence while sighing. It doesn’t work.)
“I know,” Sheila
smiled.
This goes for
grinning, giggling, laughing, etc. The proper way to write this would be to
change this from a dialogue tag to a descriptive tag.
“I know.” Sheila smiled.
Yes, you can
smile while speaking and even laugh while speaking, but when it comes down to
it in terms of writing, a dialogue tag describes how the character speaks,
whereas a descriptive tag describes what the character does.
Please note that
there are a couple of exceptions to this, such as “lied” or “hedged”. But these
dialogue tags tie directly into what the character is saying, so that they
can’t be used apart from the speech itself. You never see: “Sometimes I really do hate
you.” Peter lied. Just as you never see: “Sometimes I really do hate you.” Peter shouted.
- Alienating
the Reader Through Dialogue Tags
This is more of
a character issue and how you want to present your character to the reader.
For example,
let’s say that you write about a strong, independent heroine who knows who she
is and what she wants and has a good head on her shoulders. Then you write this
sentence:
“Oh, Mr. Smith,
I can’t believe you said that.” Rebecca giggled.
Unless I as the
reader know that Rebecca is acting like a silly coquette for a reason, this
disturbs me. Note that if you leave off the descriptive tag, I can imagine this
sentence being said in a number of ways. It’s not the sentence itself that
throws me off, but the “giggled”.
“Whined” has
this same effect. Be careful in choosing your words. Just one wrong word can
throw off the reader and destroy character consistency.
Do you recognize any of these issues as
things you need to work on? What other dialogue mistakes have you read in
manuscripts/books that drive you crazy?
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